mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
