its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
