I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
