just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Dear god my vagina.
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