man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
