If i come over, it means nothing
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
