In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
