We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
