and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
it's like iHOP with fire
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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