It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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