Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
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she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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