this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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