I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
