obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
