mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My dick has a subreddit
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
