you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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