I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
