So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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