Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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