i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
You know, be my cock's hype man.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
