some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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