Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
