Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
barbara walters just said penis...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
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