and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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