I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
