She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Found your dick twin last night
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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