ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
