The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
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