You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
