If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
