you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
