She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I understand Curling. That high.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize