Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
The Olympian is in my bed
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
