I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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