Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
