you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I wish i was in the wii world.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
no you cant smoke seaweed
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
