you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I fill condoms, not promises.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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