I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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