So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
He told me they were just razor bumps!
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
