I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
