have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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