You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together