I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
