My hand turned me down
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
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Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
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I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?