but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
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she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
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I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.