I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.