I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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