I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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