Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
