I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize