we have pet lesbian snakes
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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