Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
This is classic penis vs brain.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
