Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
