sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
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I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
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I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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