I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
