I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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