i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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