now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
