Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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