fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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