Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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