I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
