I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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